Madeline is 10- A Decade Come and Gone August 13, 2009

My baby sister Madeline turns 10 today. I can’t believe an entire decade has gone by since she has been a part of our family.  I know it is such a cliche- but really where does the time go?  I remember the day she was born.  I had the unusual circumstance of leaving for college with my mother pregnant.  It was a stressful time for our family as we had just moved to California from Maryland (I know all the way across the country!), my mom had 2 other young children and she had basically full bed rest for the entire pregnancy.  To add to the pressure both myself and my sister Megan went out to BYU at the same time.  This was a surprise for my parents as Meg was only 16 at the time.  ( I was delighted with Megan going to school.  It was like my best friend taking that big step with me).   My parents tried their best to handle everything with grace and cheerfulness but it was hard.  My mom used to call our dorm room and try her best to sound happy but it always came across as pathetic and sad.  It was a very exciting but conflicting time for both of us.

At the end of our Summer term we traveled home for a two-week time period.  I don’t remember when the original due date was but my mom was scheduled to be induced at the beginning of our trip.  It was on a Friday and we debated because it was the superstitious day of Friday the 13th; however, in the end we wanted to spend as much time with the new baby as possible.  Plus, my mom was ready.  Into the hospital she went and later that afternoon she had the baby (my mom always had fast deliveries).  She was a beautiful baby with light blond hair and a button nose. Madeline didn’t have the bleach blond Anna had but was definitely fair.  For the next two weeks we helped my mother as much as we could and took care of the baby.  From the beginning Madeline had spunk and curiosity for life.  I thoroughly expect her to do great, dynamic, exciting things- she has the personality for it.  She always has.

Some may find it odd to have a sibling that I have never lived with for more than a week or two.  How can we be close? Well, I have been fortunate enough to always travel home for visits at every major holiday.  My family has also made it a priority to travel to Utah as much as possible.  I have often heard the younger kids grumble about “another visit to Utah…”  What they didn’t realize is these trips were essential to the unity of our family.  As all of my siblings grow, I know I will continue to see our relationships grow and our friendships deepen.  I am a very communicative person and as cute as little kids are I almost enjoy the more talkative pre-teen and teenager ages more.   I look forward to many more birthday’s with Madeline!

Aside from memories of her original birthday, I have also been contemplating the last decade.  10 years.  It has been 10 years since that big day for our family.  What have I done in that 10 years?  I started to list the accomplishments and if I am allowed to say, it’s not to shabby of a list:

Since 1999 I have:

Started and graduated with my bachelor’s degree from BYU in Political Science emphasizing in political philosophy.   In 2001-2002 I was able to be a teaching assistant for Matt Holland and David Bohn- one of the great honors of my life.

Completed an MBA

Had 5 different jobs (that’s just counting what I do now as one job!)

Lived in 14 different apartments.

Had 29 roommates/companions (that is only counting my sister once who I lived with 3 times)

Served a 20 month mission for the LDS (Mormon) church.

Took at least 4 years of voice lessons (8 recitals)

It’s hard to know exactly but I figure I have been to California at least 40 times in 10 years.

Plus, I have been to Japan, Mexico twice (that’s 2 cruises), Hawaii 3 times, New York City 3 times, Indiana once (aside from the mission), Las Vegas 3 times, Disneyland once, Jackson Hole and more.

Two of my siblings have gotten married and I now have 4 nieces and one step-nephew.

I tried to count but I have lived in 15 wards and had 21 callings at church.  Most of my callings have involved activities or enrichment.  I have served as  a teacher once and this was my favorite calling besides my mission.

Assuming we talked for only an hour a week, taking out 2 years for my mission, I figure I have talked to my mom on the phone for over 400 hours.  In fact, it’s probably double that.  I have similar statistics for both Anna and Megan.   I am so grateful for the time they take to make our relationships strong.

There have been some sad, tough times, but  I am proud of the woman I have become.  Some especially hard times were in 2001 when my grandfather and 2 cousins died, 9/11 happened, and other family crisis erupted in one year.  2007 was also a difficult year where I dealt with depression, anxiety and even a panic attack.  My mission also had many struggles accompanying its triumphs.

I have started a blog, gotten on facebook, and watched far too many hours of movies, dvds and cable (reality tv has become a particular addiction)

I now have 20 cookbooks and have sampled hundreds of recipes while throwing tons of parties- some more successful than others.  I like to think I am a pretty great entertainer at this point, and I hope I have made a few people happy through my efforts.  My personal favorite is the original Barefoot Contessa cookbook and the follow up Barefoot Contessa Parties by Ina Garten.  Delicious!

I have been in 5 book clubs and read countless books. Some of my favorites are Red China Blues by Jan Wong, Delicacy and Strength of Lace by Leslie Marmon Silko and James Wright, Urban Tribes by Ethan Watters, Harry Potter books, Jane Austen books, Elizabeth Gaskell books etc…

In the last 4 years I have become a lover of audiobooks, podcasts and radio programs including Car Talk, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, This American Life and Radio West.  Little things like reading a great book or listening to an interesting program are what make my life great.

My favorite perks of the last 10 years- high speed wireless internet, my ipod, and my DVR (like TIVO). I am still fantasizing about getting a Kindle someday…

Finally, I have had the best friends a girl could ask for.  Particularly when I think of the friends who have persisted over this decade, I feel so lucky.  There are too many to begin naming them.  Suffice it to say, I have had very few moments where I am lonely for a shoulder to cry on or a companion to share a laugh with.

Life is good, and I have much to be grateful for. I have a great life.

Clearly there are some life goals I have not met including losing a significant amount of weight, having a committed relationship, getting married, having kids (girl named Lili, boy named Christian but who’s planning!), getting a down payment and purchasing a home, going back to Europe,catering at least one wedding, earning a PHD, and writing a book. These are all things I hope to be able to list as accomplishments when I write my post at Madeline’s 20th birthday!  They are somewhat lofty goals but as the poet says “every dream proceeds the goal and the dream lies hidden in your soul”.   We will see how life happens.  I have certainly learned a lot in the last decade and can only hope that the next 10 years are twice as fruitful as the previous.  Thanks in advance for your support and help along the way.  It will be a great adventure!

(I hope this post doesn’t sound like eulogy.  I was simply feeling thoughtful about my life. )

Comfort August 6, 2009

Tonight my mood while writing this post can be summed up in one word- comfort.  Why is that you might ask? Well, there are a number of reasons.  First, I am watching one of my all-time favorite movies, You’ve Got Mail.  My regular readers will not be surprised by this- as it is the one of only two movies I have written entire posts on (See Open to Change).   It’s interesting because I wrote the post in May of last year when my life was going through many changes.  Now my life is once again changing and wouldn’t you know I turn to the same movie to provide escapism and comfort.  I know it is predictable and somewhat obvious, but I don’t care.  It makes me laugh, has lots to say about modern-day work,  captures my love of books and New York City,  and realizes  my fantasy of a romantic pen pal.  Plus, its themes of modernity and change are ones I continue to come back to again and again.  I will not bore you by re-posting my favorite quotes from the movie.  You can look at my original post for that.  Suffice it to say, it is a comfort movie in a time of change.  Do any of you have movies you watch repeatedly?  One of these days I am going to do a posting on my favorite movies.  I have started one several times but it is difficult to pare it down to a manageable list.

The second comforting aspect of tonight is the food I made.  I happened to have the ingredients to make one of my family’s favorite items- German potato salad.  If any of you haven’t enjoyed this dish, it is made with potatoes, bacon, vinegar, sugar, flour, celery seed, salt and onion.  It is one of those dishes that pulls off the delicious sweet/salty combination.  I have been trying to eat healthier in the last few weeks (lost 10 lbs in 5 weeks!) , so perhaps this choice was a bit of an indulgence but as a main course for dinner it wasn’t too bad.  We have a tradition in our family of eating a  German meal on Christmas Eve.  It sounds odd but it is delicious.  The main course is bratwurst sandwiches cooked on the griddle with rye bread, gooey swish cheese and my mom’s special sauerkraut.  Most people turn their noses up at sauerkraut but that is because they  haven’t tried my mom’s.  It is delicious.  She takes the sauerkraut, rinses it, and then boils it in fresh apple cider for hours until it is sweet/salty yummy!  It has won over even the most ardent sauerkraut haters.  As a side for the  meal we also have german potato salad.  I have tried to recreate the other aspects of the Christmas Eve meal but to no avail.  The two times I tried the sauerkraut it  didn’t turn out and the sandwiches are nothing without it.  The german potato salad I have succeeded in making, so I decided to tackle it tonight. It was delicious and comforting.

The third comforting aspect of tonight is the satisfaction of hard work.  Is there anything better or more comforting than relaxing after working really hard? Ever since I got home from Hawaii I have felt a bit like  a chicken with its head cut off- running around frantically, working hard and not knowing what was happening next.  I can now see things coming into place but it’s been a bit overwhelming.  As with any change there is the fear of the unknown, the fear of being unhappy, the fear of picking the wrong path.  It has been hard and I think I’ve done a pretty good job keeping it all together.  Maybe part of it is I’ve been so busy there hasn’t been much time for moping around the house or worrying.  There were about 2 weeks when I allowed myself to stress out about the future, but now I am excited about the opportunities that are coming.  As I mentioned in my last post I have gone from worrying whether I had one job to now having the potential for four- vacation rentals, sales tax, Grabber events, and managing other people’s vacation rentals.  I have had to put the real estate school on the back burner for August but that will start up in September, which I am excited about (my renting 2 of the Suncrest houses as long-term rentals  should be a good sign for my future as a property manager!).  This week in particular I have been working all hours on the vacation rentals, the long-term rentals, getting trained on sales tax, working on Grabber events and more. Yesterday I was up at the houses from the morning until late in the afternoon working and forgot to drink enough water or eat lunch. Eventually I had to lie down because I started feeling faint.  I also had phone calls all day- by 2 pm I had received 25 incoming calls! It was exhausting.  Today I knew I needed to take a break from it all and that is what I have done.  I had my voice lesson this morning, which is always wonderful.  Then I came home worked on my computer for the afternoon, made dinner and am watching the movie.  It feels great to just enjoy my life!

The only thing that would make today more comforting is if I wasn’t alone.  However, maybe wishing for someone to watch You’ve Got Mail and eat german potato salad with is wishing for too much! Even if a man is unrealistic, it would be the icing on the cake to have a girlfriend or two with me.  There are so many who are far away, and I miss greatly- Melissa, Raelene, Emily and Stefanie to name a few.  I can also imagine this night with my sisters- all of us laughing and eating together.  Still, they are all only a phone call away, and they all love me.  As much as I would love their company, the knowledge of their love builds me and provides comfort.   I know whatever career path or life choice I make my friends and family will support and encourage me.  One of my most frequent prayers throughout my life has been one of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for all the love He has given me.

A couple of posts ago I wrote about needing increased faith for the months ahead.  It may have sounded trite or simplistic to some, but I don’t care.  Having faith means believing in something that is not seen.  At that moment I could not see what was in store for me.  I still have many unknowns but already I have seen new opportunities open- chances that will help me be a better, more interesting person.  This is perhaps the most comforting part about tonight- that I know everything will be ok.  My life is watched over.  As long as I work hard, believe in myself and trust in God then everything will turn out for the best.  This is a hard thing to believe when life is in chaos but it’s true.

Thank you for all your support during this crazy time.  Thank you for the comfort.

What’s Going On July 7, 2009

Hello blogging community.  It has been a few days since I last posted.  This is due partly to my sister Anna’s visit but mostly to the recent chaos that is my life.  Let me explain.

Ever since I got back from Hawaii there has been one stressful crisis after another.  I don’t want to get into it but do you ever feel that you are having a losing streak?  It’s like everything I try fizzles.  The yards haven’t been good enough, the houses not well enough maintained, the tenants have been difficult, I’ve made some stupid mistakes, tenants have lied to my face, I’ve had squabbles with people, gotten my feelings hurt, and the home owner’s association is now threatening to make us stop our vacation rental business.  My dad has taken the brunt of all of this and for that I feel even worse because the last thing he needed was a time-eating legal process.

The other thing that makes me sad is my best friend is moving to California to start law school.  I will miss Melissa Noyes a lot.  She has been a solid support for me over the last 3 years and on my mission.  I appreciate her optimism and the way she makes me forget my troubles.  The thing I love the most about her is she is not a worrier like I am.  In a very non-cheesy way when I am with Melissa I forget my problems and have fun. I will miss our near-weekly dinners at Wingers (although my waistline won’t!) and the barrage of stupid romantic comedies we saw together.  With Melissa’s departure I will have more friends outside of Utah than in.  While I am able to keep in touch with these friends and they are SO important in my life, I do miss having the nearby interaction.  I am grateful for all my friends and all the support they continually give me.

For the moment, it looks like I may not be working in September and October on the rentals.  I will have Grabber work, which should be a enough to live off of.  Plus, I will be starting a real estate broker class that will keep my busy.  In addition, there are other potential business opportunities that could also develop. Anyway, it has just been a lot to deal with in basically a months time- particularly when you think I got a nasty sinus infection, a family reunion, and had other commitments as well.

I am trying my best to be calm and take each day as they come.  Almost all of the things that stress me out right now I can’t control, so I know I shouldn’t worry about them.  I also know everything will be Ok.  I’ve just never been a big one for change and that is particularly true when something that has made me so happy (my job over the last year) is changing.  Stepping into the unknown is scary and uncertain, but I also have to remember that it is exciting and full of potential.

I am trying my best to remember the Lord’s hand in all things and that without change I will never grow.  Already this situation has caused me to pray more fervently than I was before.  Please include me in your prayers.  I know my problems may seem small but the power of friends at prayer is strong.  If anything it will help me be strong.

In the end, I just have to increase my faith. I like to control things- to set a plan and micromanage them until they are accomplished.  Now I am in a situation where that control is impossible.  I must have faith.  My Heavenly Father brought me to this job, and He will lead me to my next assignment.  I don’t think I have ever felt the spirit more strongly than when I quit my old accounting job.   Then I spent 6 months in the unknown, interviewing for job after job, with nothing coming from my hard work.  Then this opportunity to manage vacation rentals came and it has been awesome, difficult in some ways but mostly awesome.  Hopefully things will remain the same, but I just need to believe in His plan for me, be creative, and work hard. Having faith in the unknown can be the hardest thing to do but isn’t that the definition of faith?

I don’t want to sound melodramatic.  I know others face far more stressful and devastating situations.  This is merely an unknown career change.  Nevertheless, it is difficult in its own way for me.  Again, thank you for your thoughts, support and prayers.  I will keep the blog posted on what happens.

Here’s a poem about faith I like by Emily Dickinson.

My Faith is larger than the Hills

My Faith is larger than the Hills –
So when the Hills decay –
My Faith must take the Purple Wheel
To show the Sun the way –

‘Tis first He steps upon the Vane –
And then — upon the Hill –
And then abroad the World He go
To do His Golden Will –

And if His Yellow feet should miss –
The Bird would not arise –
The Flowers would slumber on their Stems –
No Bells have Paradise –

How dare I, therefore, stint a faith
On which so vast depends –
Lest Firmament should fail for me –
The Rivet in the Bands

The Snake Bite of Being Offended June 26, 2009

President Brigham Young, the Mormon Prophet, once compared being offended to a poisonous snakebite. He said that “there are two courses of action to follow when one is bitten by a rattlesnake. One may, in anger, fear, or vengefulness, pursue the creature and kill it. Or he may make full haste to get the venom out of his system.” He said, “If we pursue the latter course we will likely survive, but if we attempt to follow the former, we may not be around long enough to finish it.”

I was thinking about this advice today when I felt offended, even hurt, over a miscommunication which had occurred with a friend. I won’t get into the details but suffice it to say a mistake I had made was criticized, and I was upset over the manner of the critique.  After the initial disagreement I sat fuming and crying.  “How dare they treat me like this?” There was even a side of me that thought “Just wait until they mess up, and I will show them how it feels”.

Naturally these were initial childish reactions, and they quickly passed.  After a few minutes I was able to calm down and analyze the situation.  I realized I had several options available:

1.  I could call back in a huff and let my anger out.

2.  I could ignore the problem and let it simmer.

3. I could call and discuss my feelings and reconcile.

I chose the latter option.  I called this friend and explained (with some tears!) that I accepted the content of their suggestions but the tone offended me. I told them of my hurt feelings.  As one might expect, they felt bad and said they did not mean to come across with that tone.

In the end, we were able to communicate and our relationship is better as a result.  This experience taught me a lesson.  Usually there is a productive way to express feelings instead of being offended or allowing hurt to well up until it explodes.  Believe me, I have learned the hard way that the other options lead to more pain and more ulcers!

Most people are trying to be good, non-offensive folks.  Sometimes the words, and the manner of those words  get in the way.  Like Brigham said finding ways to not be offended saves our lives from the poison of anger and bitterness.

On a slightly different note- thank you for the positive feedback on my blog.  I was just at an enrichment activity and someone mentioned how much they enjoy reading it.  Comments like that build me up and make me feel my small efforts are valued.  Thanks.

Over the Rainbow May 22, 2009

I have had the craziest week.  Between moving, getting ready for Hawaii, working hard and getting ready for a recital today, my life felt pretty overwhelming.  Today I am pleased to write this blog as a fully moved-in person.  I love my new apartment and feel at home here.  All this unpacking included spending an entire day putting together an IKEA bookcase with doors (it was my nemesis! So hard!) has left me exhausted and ready for vacation.

After a long week I finished it today by performing in my voice lesson recital.  It was my most intimidating recital because I sand Over the Rainbow- the famous Judy Garland version.  It may be my favorite song.  Definitely in my top 10.  Because I love it so much it made all the more nerve-wracking to sing it.  I wanted it to be perfect, which of course it will never be.  It is also a more difficult song than you’d first expect.  Every time you sing “Some” “Where” you do a full octave change.  This happens time and again throughout the song.  It is also such a recognizable song that it almost has to be perfect or people will notice.  It was a big risk for me to select it, but I have improved greatly because of  it. It’s more satisfying than I can explain in words to hear myself get better week-to-week on a song I love so much.  It’s the best!

With all this preparation I stepped onto the stage at Hale Theater Orem and sang my heart out.  Without sounding too arrogant I think it was the best I have ever sung!   I came off the stage beaming and got nothing but positive feedback from my friends and teachers.  The funny thing is that I actually messed up on the words in one verse, but I didn’t let it phase me and nobody noticed. I just bought a new camera with a special video feature that is supposed to make it easier to post online.  Take a look at the video of the performance.   It was an exciting moment in my life.

Like I said, it was the best I have sung and it felt good! I hope you enjoyed it.

On another note my sister Anna had an exciting experience.  She is a die hard David Archuleta fan and when I say die hard I mean it!  She has seen him live several times, has every performance he has ever recorded, and has pictures of him in her room.  You’d think he was a member of the family!  More than just loving his music, she genuinely admires him for sticking to his values.

As a member of the David Archuleta fan club she participated in a contest to promote his album in return for various prizes.  The grand prize was a 5 minute conversation with David.  Anna went full force ahead doing a number of things including sponsoring a fundraiser for a charity David supports.  A couple of weeks ago she submitted her project and then to all of our surprise she got an email announcing her as the winner of the grand prize!  She won a conversation with her idol David Archuleta!  Naturally Anna was beside herself and could hardly sleep the days before the phone call took place.  Finally today it happened.  At 2:49 he called and they chatted for 21 minutes!  I guess they spoke about many things including music, writing songs, religion, BYU, American Idol and more.

Some may say it is a silly thing to get excited over but I disagree. I know David is just a person like anyone else.  I also am aware there are lines in fanaticism, which go overboard and can be dangerous.  However, in this case, I think it is a good thing.  I appreciate anyone who lives his or her life with passion- someone who isn’t afraid to take risks.   Anna is such a person.  Her passion isn’t limited to musicians.  She loves church, her friends, Lord of the Rings movies, Harry Potter, BYU, and more.  I’ve even seen her get excited over a cool minor chord!  It is so easy to be lukewarm and mediocre in life.  While I was going to school I saw many people satisfied with the bare minimum, with gliding by on the coat tails of others.  I still do not understand how others can be happy with such a paltry blahh life.

If Anna is going to be into David Archuleta, she should be into him all the way.   I like how Anna has set a pattern in her life of living boldly.  Most people wouldn’t have attempted the contest but Anna went for it, and she got it.  I admire that.  Later in life she will meet many obstacles that will seem impossible, but from this and other experiences she will have the courage to make the attempt- to try her hardest and hopefully the reward will come. In a weird way my singing and her phone call have something in common- they both involve passion for music, and trying our utmost to succeed.

Another thing I admire about Anna is  she has learned to accept disappointment. For instance, at her age I would have been more emotional over not getting into the music department.  Her attitude allows her to live with passion because however things turn out she can find happiness.  Sometimes there are discouraging situations and other times, like today, there are moments of excitement and glee. Congrats Anna!  You deserve it!

Smell of Cardboard May 12, 2009

It may come as a surprise to many of you but I am officially moving on Saturday! I got the opportunity to upgrade to a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment for only around $50 more a month. As much as I love my current place, I couldn’t resist the chance for more space- particularly for an office. I have been suffering from insomnia lately, and I’ve read that using your room for only sleeping helps. (Yesterday I had a dream about the Dark Knight. I so wish I hadn’t seen that movie!).

Anyway, I decided to go ahead with the move. Thanks in advance to anyone helping me. I really, really appreciate it! Even though I am Ok with my decision I will be a little sad to be leaving my place. This apartment has symbolic meaning to me. I had been through a tough year in 2007/2008 and finding my own place made me feel complete. I felt I had finished the purifying process of the particular trials I had experienced during the last 3 years.

Living by myself has  made me strong in a new way. I have always striven to direct my own life- make my own choices; however, time and again I am swayed by the feelings and opinions of others. Being alone has forced me to be independent and strong. I am grateful for that strength. At the same time I also appreciate my amazing family and friends who never let me feel alone. It has been the best! A particular thanks to Megan, Anna, my mom and dad, my uncle Jim for all his help, and my friend Camille for never being more than a phone call away. It sounds like a freaking Oscar speech, but I really am grateful!

So with that said the other big news of the move is I am going to have a roommate.  It just kind of worked out, and I think it is the right thing for this time in my life.  It happened quickly- like since Sunday. I found out my friend Sunnie Bybee needed a place to stay and after looking at the new place, I felt good about it. I figure we can try it out and see if it works. She’s a nice girl, and I think we will gel well together. I will have to downsize some of my stuff but that’s ok. There are benefits to having roommates (financially and socially) and benefits to living alone. In this case, I figured it was worth a try. Luckily she doesn’t have any furniture so that makes things easy. I will just have to cut down on my kitchen stuff and put away some of my wall art and photos . I am a little nervous because I have gotten into a few bad habits living by myself- particularly when it comes to the laundry. At least Sunnie is a patient person, so we should be fine! Hopefully she will understand the transition from living alone to sharing will have a few bumps along the way. We will see how it goes!

As with every move, I am going through my stuff and am amazed with how much I have. The only good thing about moving is it gives a good chance to de-junk. Since I move about every year I get to de-junk frequently. Last year I moved 4 times! Oh my!

I will post pictures of my new place next week. Wish me luck and anyone who is in the area I can use all the help I can get Saturday at 11am. Thanks so much!
On to a new adventure!

Last Chance Harvey May 9, 2009

If any of you haven’t seen Last Chance Harvey- see it. It’s great. Wonderful. Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson (who can do no wrong in my book) are both terrific in this gentle romance. They play Harvey and Kate- two mature adults who meet each other by chance in an airport in London.  Harvey is an American who is there to see his only daughter be married.  Kate works at the airport as a customer service representative.  When they meet Harvey has just missed his flight, been fired from his disappointing job and his daughter has chosen her stepfather to give her away at the wedding.  On the other side, Kate is single and has resigned herself to a mediocre life of work and caring for her mother.  Neither characters are happy or fulfilled. When they meet they are both at lows, which actually gives them a lot in common with each other.  As they get to know one another a sweet and simple romance develops.  It reminded me of the old school romances of Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant.

I don’t want you to think it is only a date movie or a chick flick; although it is excellent in both regards. It is also an interesting movie about work, family, happiness and taking risks.  I guess Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman decided to make the movie while filming one of my all time favorite films Stranger than Fiction- also a great movie about work, happiness, and taking risks.  Perhaps Fiction is slightly better than this but I loved both.

There is a line where Emma Thompson says:

“You see, what I think is I am more comfortable with being disappointed. I think I am angry with you for trying to take that away.”

Isn’t that a powerful idea? How many of us live a shallow life because it is safe, comfortable, or easy? I am a very risk-averse person and it is hard for me to jump into the unknown. While I have little experience with romance, I can imagine one of the hardest parts is trusting your heart to another human being who might break it. The thing that the character’s realize is that each of us give our lives to something whether it be work, art, family, friends, or love. We might as well give it up for something that has the greatest potential for happiness.
Another thing the characters realize is they have allowed their life choices and their definition of happiness to be defined by others. Emma Thompson has a particular moment of clarity I appreciated while on a blind date. Her friends basically trick her into this date with a person she has nothing in common with and doesn’t enjoy. In fact, it feels like her mother and friends have turned her love life into their hobby- like a giant guessing game. It’s funny because she doesn’t say anything but just looks around and realizes this is not the life she wants. I related to this moment. Not because my friends set me up but I have had moments of clarity where I realized my life was on the wrong track- that I wasn’t living the life I was meant to live.
I don’t believe in fate, but I don’t believe in coincidences either. I feel we all have a unique purpose in life that requires us to interact with particular people. I felt this sense of connection with others on my mission. There were people I know I was supposed to help, supposed to find. While not everything has this type of purpose, almost everything can be used by the Lord to further His plan.
In Last Chance Harvey the characters discover their own unhappiness but at the same time learn how much they need each other.
I don’t know if I have done the movie justice but I just loved it. It’s interesting because I also saw Ghost of Girlfriends Past- a supposed romantic comedy that was anything but romantic. What a contrast on every level! In Ghost the acting was bad, the characters were unbelievable , and the writers had the nerve to destroy one of the best books ever written- the Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.  There is no comparison between the two.

I hope you all go out and rent Last Chance Harvey and I hope you like it as much as me. Post your reviews in the comment section of the blog. Enjoy!

What do you give this woman with a BUMP on her head? May 4, 2009

I had funky but real life scare on Saturday.  What happened is I was working at the houses, tired and sore from cleaning and being on my feet for two days straight.  As a little reward I decided to bring my swimsuit and enjoy the hot tub up at the house.  It was cold and very windy and the hot tub sounded great!

Without even looking at the temperature I jumped right in and the water was around 95 degrees, which is warm but  not hot.  To keep the heat in I decided to only unfold one part of the hot tub cover.  These covers are heavy.  In fact, it is difficult for me to move them at all.

As I was enjoying the hot tub the wind got worse and all of the sudden a huge gust caught the cover and quickly blew the folded half over landing a large blow to the back of my head.  I didn’t see it coming and the punch sent a shock through my body.  I didn’t black out- thank goodness!  If I had I could have drown because I was completely alone at the house.  After a second, I was able to get out of the hot tub and rush inside.  After sitting I changed and then laid down with ice on my head.

For the next few hours I monitored my condition carefully.  I felt a little light headed but it was hard to tell since I had been in hot water, and been tired. Eventually my dad arrived bringing food, which I was able to keep down.  Perhaps I should have gone to the emergency room but I decided to just rest.  If it had been a weekday I probably would have gone to the doctors, and I may still do that tomorrow. We’ll see how I am feeling.

Since the accident I have felt pretty good; although, a fairly strong headache has never completely gone away.  I have a big goose egg on the top of my head and it is tender to the touch but considering what could have happened I feel lucky.  Who would have ever thought that a relaxing hot tub could become so dangerous!

Naturally I have been thinking about it today.  It is sobering to think I could have died or at least have been sent to the hospital.  I am so grateful I was safe and that the Lord was watching out for me- even when I was doing something admittedly stupid.  Sometimes on this blog and in my life I grumble about politics or people that get on my nerves,   I whine about a bad day, I wish things could be easier or better.

In the end I love my life! I know what it feels like to be unhappy- to be depressed.  I have had periods where I felt alone, confused on how I could make things better, and even hopeless.  Getting through such experiences has taught me that I am worthy of a happy, vibrant, wonderful life.  This is my right as a daughter of God.  I do not have to resign to a stupefying existence that I don’t enjoy. I love my family, friends, job, hobbies, interests, entertainment choices, and most importantly my faith. As I said in my Easter post I know that Jesus lives and watches over my life.  He wants me to be happy.  He forgives me for my sins.  He loves me unconditionally.  I am alone a lot in my life but in truth I am never alone because Jesus Christ has never forgotten me.  He is my best friend.  I am so grateful for that.  I am so grateful that He watches out for me and I hope I live my life in a way that He is proud.  As a friend quoted to me the other day “I hope I wake up every day and Satan says ‘man she’s up again!”.

I am so glad that I wasn’t hurt and that I can keep living my wonderful, happy life.  How lucky am I to be happy- really, truly, genuinely happy?  I wish everyone could feel as I do. What a gift!

By the way, thanks for all of the positive feedback on my blog.  It boosts me greatly and is a fun part of my life.   The process has also made me a better writer.  I have now been writing this blog for over a year, and we are at 5,000 hits! Not bad for a single girl from Draper, Utah.  Not bad at all.

Happy Easter! He shall reign forever and ever. April 12, 2009

11 Whatever It Takes

On this Easter Sunday I feel grateful for the many blessings in my life. Above all, I am indebted to Jesus Christ for saving my soul from sin and despair. I am an imperfect person but with Christ I can be forgiven and be made whole.  It took a God of the world, a perfect person to atone for mankind’s sin but that is exactly what Jesus did.  In agony He bled from every pore and hung on the cross, so we could be forgiven.  He felt the anguish of every sin, sorrow and moment of grief ever felt by any human ever.   It’s one of those things which is tough to explain but nevertheless  true.  I have experienced moments where I felt alone and confused- where I felt weighed down by my own sins and shortcomings.  In those moments Jesus Christ has testified to my heart that He is real, He does live, and He did die for me.

It is this knowledge that has helped me move  through difficult times to the happy life I currently lead.  I say this knowing others have faced far worse; however, my challenges were still hard for me to experience.  Part of the reason we have been sent here is to be tested and grow strong- how can we do that without some faith-testing opportunities?  Through it all, the Savior has never forgotten me.  I know that He loves me.  I know He listens to my seemingly small problems.  I know these things because I have prayed and gained confirmation for myself that they are true.  I have felt Jesus Christ’s presence as an active force in my life- purifying, comforting and forgiving me each day.

I can’t tell you what comfort it gives me when the world criticizes my life, my appearance, my faith, to know deep down inside that I am loved- and not loved by just anyone but by the God of the Universe, by Jesus Christ.  I feel privileged to have such knowledge but it is by no means limited to me. All men and women can gain a testimony of the atonement of Jesus Christ through faith, prayer and repentance.   I hope He knows I will do whatever it takes to follow Him.  I love Him and  on this Easter I say with the angels “Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven” (Acts 1:11)

Let’s not stand gazing into heaven- let’s get out there and make a difference.  Whether it is speaking out on faith-based issues,  finding a day a month to serve, calling an old friend, doing an extra load of dishes unasked, smiling when we want to complain, and so much more.  I believe He wants us to look at His example and then “go and do likewise” (Luke 10:37).   None of us can be saved without His sacrifice and resurrection, but we can all be His helpers down here to spread His gospel.  He has asked us to “be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12).  I hope you feel His love in your life.  Your life does matter.  A high price was paid for it.  Let’s try and give back in any small way we can!  He truly shall reign forever and ever! God bless you and thank you for being my friends and reading my blog.  Happy Easter.  Love, Rachel.

The last few days April 5, 2009

It has only been a week or so since I last posted but it has been a very busy time for me. Some highlights are:

- I gave the lesson in the combined priesthood/relief society meeting at church. My ward is large and this was basically a lecture in front of around 200 people! A little scary but exciting as well. I felt the Lord was inspiring me as to what to share. The message was that we as singles can be happy and live a full life. You can also gain a testimony from Heavenly Father that your life matters- no matter your marital status. I talked about 4 key points to a happy gospel centered life:
1. Seek Daily Personal Victories- find little things everyday to be happy about even if it is something small like working out when you don’t feel like it or cooking a good meal when you are tempted to eat out.
2. Live a full life- find things that you have always wanted to do and then set goals to do it. There are few things you can only do when you are married. Living a full life is why I am constantly setting goals, planning trips and taking classes. I am not perfect in this regard but the effort makes me happier.
3. Discover your divine nature and purpose- pray to Heavenly Father and He will tell you of your worth. As Romans says “we are the children of God. And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.” Think about that- we all have the potential to be glorified with Christ. I believe each of has to ask God if He loves us, if we are His children. I also believe He will answer that prayer.
4. Remember “not my will but thine be done”. Jesus Christ set the perfect example of humbling submitting his will to the will of the Father. We all have difficult experiences that seem unfair or unjust. Following the Savior’s example in such instances helps us to find purpose, meaning and to survive happily.

– Anyway, that was my lesson and I felt it went well. It was a nice moment for me to look back at the last few years and to see what I have learned. I could not have given that lesson a year ago, or a year and half ago. You don’t have that many moments of retrospection in life- moments where you can look back and see growth. I was proud of the women I have become while giving that lesson and I realized the many ways I can become better.

– Moving on. The last week has also been a busy week work-wise and in my other activities. I have started cleaning the rental properties and did so 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Yesterday I cleaned for 4 hours and then had to dig my car out of the snow. Needless to say my muscles hurt today! Maybe I should start the cleaning exercise routine? You could do “the scrub the floor”, “the shovel snow” and “the sweep/vacuum”. It seems to be working for me! It is actually quite satisfying to look at messy room, and then work on it and see the clean results. I never thought I would be cleaning houses as part of my job but it certainly beats a desk job. That’s for sure! I will do anything legal to avoid sitting day after day.

–Aside from work I had book club this week, which was great- lots of good discussion on Room with a View. It’s a great book club with a wide variety of participants. I feel priviliged to be a member and to know these girls.
I also had institute (kind of like Sunday School class), voice lessons, my cake decorating class, saw Slumdog Millionaire for the 2nd time (so great!), saw a play at Hale Theater (so great!), met friends for dinner 3 times, and more. Pretty good for just over one week!

–Oh I also went last Friday to see David Archuleta live with my friend Emily Hancock.  It was a lot of fun.  David is a good singer and it made me feel young going to his concert.   I think I was the only non-chaperon there over 20! Still- that didn’t matter.  In fact, it may have made it even more fun.  My only complaint about the concert was the 2 hours we had to wait for it to start (2 opening acts and 45 minutes of set up time!).  As annoyed I was at the wait, it was still a lot of fun.  I just love concerts so much.  There is an energy to a live performance that I love.

Emily and I at the concert!

–I hope you all had great weeks and are happy. Life is good!