Labor Day- Work September 7, 2009

This Sunday I was asked to read a quote by President Dieter F.  Uchtdorf of the the First Presidency of my church. He says:

“May I invite you to rise to the great potential within you.  But don’t reach beyond your capacity.  Don’t set goals beyond your capacity to achieve.  Don’t feel guilty or dwell on thoughts of failure.  Don’t compare yourself with others.  Do the best you can, and the Lord will provide the rest.  Have faith and confidence in Him and you will see miracles happen in your life and the lives of your loved ones. “

Easier said than done.  Why is this so hard?  At least for me, this is the great challenge of life.  I love my job, but I have always been bad at balancing the demands of work and life.   Especially as my business has begun to change there seems to be an unending number of projects and opportunities.  Just this weekend I got a new client, which is a tremendous chance to improve my standing as a property manager and make some good money along the way.  It is a connection and  opportunity  I need to add more clients besides my father.  As grateful as I am, it is also one more thing to balance in my life.

Right now there are so many things left undone.  I haven’t started real estate courses I’ve paid for.  I haven’t done much on sales tax for Grabber; and I still have tons of work on Grabber events.  That’s just the tip of the iceberg.  There are spaces this fall in the Anna and Madeline to get reserved, a client with 25 homes I would love to work with more, a guest blog I have committed to write and edit, and this new home I need to find tenants for.  I have agreed to all of these projects and I know they will bring in more money and  help my career.  In addition to work I have church responsibilities, temple work, family, and a million creative projects I would love to tackle.   I love entertaining, gathering with friends, cooking, swimming, community service, politics, singing, and reading.  With a few exceptions, I am afraid lately work has been trumping all of these noble endeavors.   I want to be better at balancing my life but I find it very challenging.

  My sister once told me I was a workaholic, and I think there is some truth to that.  I hate unfinished projects.  I think part of it is growing up with a little bit of dyslexia. This made projects and homework more difficult and time consuming than for my friends.  In college, I worked harder than most of my classmates and yet my grades were not as high as I felt they should be. I have a great memory and still recall lectures, books, teachers from college, yet in some of those same classes I scored Cs and Bs.  Isn’t that weird?  I clearly learned the required material and was impacted by it but my grades didn’t show?  This taught me that any assignment, task, job, responsibility I had was going to take twice the work from me as it did for anyone else for the same results.  I am not saying this to engender sympathy.  It’s just the way it is.   Even when I was getting my MBA other students appeared to coast when I spent hours on projects (at least in that case I got the A’s almost  every time for my hard work!).

The hardest thing for me is having true relaxation time.  This is particularly true since I work at home and am never far from the call of my cell phone or the ever present email.  I know there are reservations I have gotten because I was the first to respond and this keeps me constantly checking and rechecking.  Having the phone off for an evening makes me nervous.  In fact, just the other day I turned my phone on silence and missed out on a reservation for our vacation rental that would have been great.  My dad ended up taking the call, so perhaps they would not have agreed to rent with us anyways (if my dad can’t sell it, nobody can.  He’s a great salesman).  My brain is constantly going about how I can make things better, get more sales, satisfy clients and be more of a success.  I have had insomnia for over a year because I can’t stop thinking about work.

I don’t want to sound like I am complaining because one of  my greatest joys in my life is  work.  I love what I do.  I love how it uses all my talents and yet challenges me each day.  I love the people I meet, the freedom I enjoy, the variety of tasks, and flexibility.  I love the relationship I have developed with my dad through this job and feel we are closer than ever before (that is perhaps the greatest gift of my job).  I love feeling like I finally contribute to society in a meaningful way and help make people happy- either on vacation or in their permanent home.  Because I know what it feels like to be unhappy in work, I will do whatever it takes to keep my current job and be a success at it.  Maybe everyone who owns their own company goes through this?  Maybe it is the price to be paid? My dad said when he was self-employed in Maryland that he worked 70 hour work weeks.  He worked from home and worked very hard but it never seemed to be an obsession or over-powering influence on his life.  In fact, he managed to own his own business while my mother was bedridden when she was pregnant with Sammy.  How he was able to do that and remain so outwardly calm and collected I will never know.  It is amazing.

One thing I have to remember is I always find a way to pull things off.   I worry about getting projects done but then I always do.  It’s like with the Grabber Events.  I thought it was going to be impossible to get the calendar submitted by the end of August and yet somehow I made it (September 3rd to be precise)!  It was done and up to my standards.  I worked hard and the Lord did expand my capacity in the month of August, and I am so grateful for His help.

I would love to hear some advice from all of you- especially if you work at home or for yourself- on how you separate work, family, friend and time for yourself?  How do you know when to say no to projects?  How do you not “set goals beyond your capacity to achieve”?    I  don’t even know what my real capacity to achieve is.  I always think I can do more, be more, and make more of a difference. How do you truly relax and feel rejuvenated?  Even today, on this holiday, I feel a pressure to work that is hard to describe.   How do you turn that off?

Looking forward to rest May 20, 2009

I admit it today I would annoy Calvin! It's been a stressful couple of days.

I can’t write much but I wanted to update quickly on the craziness of my life the last few days.  First of all, I  moved on Saturday to my new 2 bedroom apartment.  It is much roomier and in a way feels more like a home than my last place.  I will always love that apartment because it proved I could be on my own and be happy.  This apartment feels different but I have high hopes for it as well.  As you can expect the move was stressful and exhausting.  I am so grateful to Easton Brown, Sarah Creer and other friends from church who came to my moving rescue.  It was a hot day and the move took several hours.  As I have often said I am blessed with wonderful people in my life.

With the boxes moved in the next task of unpacking came into play.  (By the way, we have also had people in all 4 houses over the last few days which is great but stressful!).  It is shocking how much stuff I have.  Truly shocking!  Thank goodness my roommate has only furniture for her bedroom and little kitchen stuff.  That was a huge blessing! She hasn’t officially moved in yet but I consulted with her before placing furniture and unpacking my kitchen stuff.  She seems very easy going, and I think we will make a good team.

I am proud to say I finished the unpacking today!  The final step was my office.  I will put up photos of my new place soon. I just love it so much!

In the midst of all this unpacking and working I also had to do my final check out of my old place today.  This morning to be more particular.  I thought I had done a pretty good job with things but the inspector sure found a big list of problems.  By the end of the check out it seems I will be responsible for $200 worth of stuff!  That’s the downside of renting.

Naturally I was in a bad mood this morning but then we added on more stress by having a crisis at work.  I won’t go into the details but one of the houses had some minor vandalism and we had someone checking into the house today!  It was creepy, annoying and exhausting all at the same time.  It ended up taking Jim and I the entire afternoon to resolve the problem.  Luckily the tenants are happy and nothing was seriously damaged or taken except some sheets that had to be replaced.  We are now already in the process of getting alarm systems on all 4 houses.

The other stressful event that happened is yesterday I made the mistake of purchasing an Ikea bookshelf with doors for the kitchen as a type of pantry. We got the bookshelf together easy enough but the stupid doors were impossible.  We literally spent the entire day.  By saying we, I mean my friend Melany Bushe and I.  I think the definition of a true friend is someone who will help you assemble Ikea furniture.  It was a lot of work and the frustrating thing is that it still isn’t perfect.  It wobbles more than it should and the doors don’t line up perfectly!  Part of the problem is they only give you those silly drawings as instructions.  There are always a million ways to go wrong- and usually I find all of them! Oh well!  It will have to do for now.  You know there is a joke about Ikea furniture- How may PHD’s do you need to assemble a piece of Ikea furniture?- 3 one PHD in Swedish, one in Engineering and one in relationship counseling.  Luckily mine and Melany’s relationship is still intact and the friendship will persist despite the trial!

Need I mention that I also have my recital for voice lessons on Friday! I am doing Somewhere Over the Rainbow which may sound like a simple song but in fact it is quite difficult.  It has an octave change with every Some-where and Rain-bow. It is definitely the hardest song I have done at a recital and is a bit of a risk.  I hope it pays off- especially with how little rehearsal time I have gotten lately with the move and all.  Wish me luck come Friday. I wish it sounded like this. 01 Over The Rainbow (Single Version)

Between everything going on I am looking forward more than ever to the tropical paradise that awaits me this Sunday.  Hawaii here I come!  I can’t think of anything more relaxing than lying in the sun with a good book listening to the waves.  I’d give up a meal a day for that pleasure! Every ounce of my sore achy emotional body is yearning for that blessed island.  Thank goodness for vacations by the ocean! I need it real bad!

Smell of Cardboard May 12, 2009

It may come as a surprise to many of you but I am officially moving on Saturday! I got the opportunity to upgrade to a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment for only around $50 more a month. As much as I love my current place, I couldn’t resist the chance for more space- particularly for an office. I have been suffering from insomnia lately, and I’ve read that using your room for only sleeping helps. (Yesterday I had a dream about the Dark Knight. I so wish I hadn’t seen that movie!).

Anyway, I decided to go ahead with the move. Thanks in advance to anyone helping me. I really, really appreciate it! Even though I am Ok with my decision I will be a little sad to be leaving my place. This apartment has symbolic meaning to me. I had been through a tough year in 2007/2008 and finding my own place made me feel complete. I felt I had finished the purifying process of the particular trials I had experienced during the last 3 years.

Living by myself has  made me strong in a new way. I have always striven to direct my own life- make my own choices; however, time and again I am swayed by the feelings and opinions of others. Being alone has forced me to be independent and strong. I am grateful for that strength. At the same time I also appreciate my amazing family and friends who never let me feel alone. It has been the best! A particular thanks to Megan, Anna, my mom and dad, my uncle Jim for all his help, and my friend Camille for never being more than a phone call away. It sounds like a freaking Oscar speech, but I really am grateful!

So with that said the other big news of the move is I am going to have a roommate.  It just kind of worked out, and I think it is the right thing for this time in my life.  It happened quickly- like since Sunday. I found out my friend Sunnie Bybee needed a place to stay and after looking at the new place, I felt good about it. I figure we can try it out and see if it works. She’s a nice girl, and I think we will gel well together. I will have to downsize some of my stuff but that’s ok. There are benefits to having roommates (financially and socially) and benefits to living alone. In this case, I figured it was worth a try. Luckily she doesn’t have any furniture so that makes things easy. I will just have to cut down on my kitchen stuff and put away some of my wall art and photos . I am a little nervous because I have gotten into a few bad habits living by myself- particularly when it comes to the laundry. At least Sunnie is a patient person, so we should be fine! Hopefully she will understand the transition from living alone to sharing will have a few bumps along the way. We will see how it goes!

As with every move, I am going through my stuff and am amazed with how much I have. The only good thing about moving is it gives a good chance to de-junk. Since I move about every year I get to de-junk frequently. Last year I moved 4 times! Oh my!

I will post pictures of my new place next week. Wish me luck and anyone who is in the area I can use all the help I can get Saturday at 11am. Thanks so much!
On to a new adventure!

Last Chance Harvey May 9, 2009

If any of you haven’t seen Last Chance Harvey- see it. It’s great. Wonderful. Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson (who can do no wrong in my book) are both terrific in this gentle romance. They play Harvey and Kate- two mature adults who meet each other by chance in an airport in London.  Harvey is an American who is there to see his only daughter be married.  Kate works at the airport as a customer service representative.  When they meet Harvey has just missed his flight, been fired from his disappointing job and his daughter has chosen her stepfather to give her away at the wedding.  On the other side, Kate is single and has resigned herself to a mediocre life of work and caring for her mother.  Neither characters are happy or fulfilled. When they meet they are both at lows, which actually gives them a lot in common with each other.  As they get to know one another a sweet and simple romance develops.  It reminded me of the old school romances of Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant.

I don’t want you to think it is only a date movie or a chick flick; although it is excellent in both regards. It is also an interesting movie about work, family, happiness and taking risks.  I guess Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman decided to make the movie while filming one of my all time favorite films Stranger than Fiction- also a great movie about work, happiness, and taking risks.  Perhaps Fiction is slightly better than this but I loved both.

There is a line where Emma Thompson says:

“You see, what I think is I am more comfortable with being disappointed. I think I am angry with you for trying to take that away.”

Isn’t that a powerful idea? How many of us live a shallow life because it is safe, comfortable, or easy? I am a very risk-averse person and it is hard for me to jump into the unknown. While I have little experience with romance, I can imagine one of the hardest parts is trusting your heart to another human being who might break it. The thing that the character’s realize is that each of us give our lives to something whether it be work, art, family, friends, or love. We might as well give it up for something that has the greatest potential for happiness.
Another thing the characters realize is they have allowed their life choices and their definition of happiness to be defined by others. Emma Thompson has a particular moment of clarity I appreciated while on a blind date. Her friends basically trick her into this date with a person she has nothing in common with and doesn’t enjoy. In fact, it feels like her mother and friends have turned her love life into their hobby- like a giant guessing game. It’s funny because she doesn’t say anything but just looks around and realizes this is not the life she wants. I related to this moment. Not because my friends set me up but I have had moments of clarity where I realized my life was on the wrong track- that I wasn’t living the life I was meant to live.
I don’t believe in fate, but I don’t believe in coincidences either. I feel we all have a unique purpose in life that requires us to interact with particular people. I felt this sense of connection with others on my mission. There were people I know I was supposed to help, supposed to find. While not everything has this type of purpose, almost everything can be used by the Lord to further His plan.
In Last Chance Harvey the characters discover their own unhappiness but at the same time learn how much they need each other.
I don’t know if I have done the movie justice but I just loved it. It’s interesting because I also saw Ghost of Girlfriends Past- a supposed romantic comedy that was anything but romantic. What a contrast on every level! In Ghost the acting was bad, the characters were unbelievable , and the writers had the nerve to destroy one of the best books ever written- the Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.  There is no comparison between the two.

I hope you all go out and rent Last Chance Harvey and I hope you like it as much as me. Post your reviews in the comment section of the blog. Enjoy!

What do you give this woman with a BUMP on her head? May 4, 2009

I had funky but real life scare on Saturday.  What happened is I was working at the houses, tired and sore from cleaning and being on my feet for two days straight.  As a little reward I decided to bring my swimsuit and enjoy the hot tub up at the house.  It was cold and very windy and the hot tub sounded great!

Without even looking at the temperature I jumped right in and the water was around 95 degrees, which is warm but  not hot.  To keep the heat in I decided to only unfold one part of the hot tub cover.  These covers are heavy.  In fact, it is difficult for me to move them at all.

As I was enjoying the hot tub the wind got worse and all of the sudden a huge gust caught the cover and quickly blew the folded half over landing a large blow to the back of my head.  I didn’t see it coming and the punch sent a shock through my body.  I didn’t black out- thank goodness!  If I had I could have drown because I was completely alone at the house.  After a second, I was able to get out of the hot tub and rush inside.  After sitting I changed and then laid down with ice on my head.

For the next few hours I monitored my condition carefully.  I felt a little light headed but it was hard to tell since I had been in hot water, and been tired. Eventually my dad arrived bringing food, which I was able to keep down.  Perhaps I should have gone to the emergency room but I decided to just rest.  If it had been a weekday I probably would have gone to the doctors, and I may still do that tomorrow. We’ll see how I am feeling.

Since the accident I have felt pretty good; although, a fairly strong headache has never completely gone away.  I have a big goose egg on the top of my head and it is tender to the touch but considering what could have happened I feel lucky.  Who would have ever thought that a relaxing hot tub could become so dangerous!

Naturally I have been thinking about it today.  It is sobering to think I could have died or at least have been sent to the hospital.  I am so grateful I was safe and that the Lord was watching out for me- even when I was doing something admittedly stupid.  Sometimes on this blog and in my life I grumble about politics or people that get on my nerves,   I whine about a bad day, I wish things could be easier or better.

In the end I love my life! I know what it feels like to be unhappy- to be depressed.  I have had periods where I felt alone, confused on how I could make things better, and even hopeless.  Getting through such experiences has taught me that I am worthy of a happy, vibrant, wonderful life.  This is my right as a daughter of God.  I do not have to resign to a stupefying existence that I don’t enjoy. I love my family, friends, job, hobbies, interests, entertainment choices, and most importantly my faith. As I said in my Easter post I know that Jesus lives and watches over my life.  He wants me to be happy.  He forgives me for my sins.  He loves me unconditionally.  I am alone a lot in my life but in truth I am never alone because Jesus Christ has never forgotten me.  He is my best friend.  I am so grateful for that.  I am so grateful that He watches out for me and I hope I live my life in a way that He is proud.  As a friend quoted to me the other day “I hope I wake up every day and Satan says ‘man she’s up again!”.

I am so glad that I wasn’t hurt and that I can keep living my wonderful, happy life.  How lucky am I to be happy- really, truly, genuinely happy?  I wish everyone could feel as I do. What a gift!

By the way, thanks for all of the positive feedback on my blog.  It boosts me greatly and is a fun part of my life.   The process has also made me a better writer.  I have now been writing this blog for over a year, and we are at 5,000 hits! Not bad for a single girl from Draper, Utah.  Not bad at all.

All Worn Out April 28, 2009

Do you ever have one of those days when you could fit the descriptions in a Zoloft ad? I had such a day today.  Now don’t get worked up- I am fine.  It is all because I worked hard Saturday and Sunday, so Monday I feel exhausted and a little irritable. It is days like these that I am glad I live alone- although my poor sister Anna had to listen to me vent for about 10 minutes this evening. (Thanks Anna).  There were little things that irked me today but really I don’t even have a good reason for feeling irritable. I just do.   As my family knows there are three things that make me cranky- hunger, fatigue, and pushy/bossy people.

I hate it when people try to tell me what to do- especially when my idea is perfectly valid.   It was one of the greatest challenges of my mission to be told what to do all the time.  On a mission you are told when to eat, what to eat, how to dress, what to say, everything…Plus, you are told most of this by 19 year old boys and I was a college graduate on the mission.  I have always had a prideful streak in me and although I have tempered it a lot in the last few years every once in a while it flares up.  I like to try things out for myself.  I hate being told how to live my life, plan an activity, lead a group or pretty much anything else.  Does that drive any of you crazy?  Probably not!

I did get to have some fun today.  First of all I  enjoyed the hot tub at one of the houses. That helped me relax a lot. In fact, I may have relaxed too much! I reread one of my favorite books Mama’s Bank Account by Kathryn Forbes. I read all 147 pages in one hot tub sitting. After I got out I realized I had been in there for 2 hours! This was probably a stupid thing for me to do but it did relax me after a very stressful weekend. I needed lots of water and lotion after that!

There is something about working Saturday and Sunday that is grueling. On Saturday I cleaned one of the houses, purchased food for an event, cooked the food so I wouldn’t have to cook much on Sunday, and then went home and crashed. Then Sunday I went to church and up to the event where I did more cooking, serving, and cleaning. Again, it was all great- just exhausting. So, as a result today I felt tired and a crabby. I found myself getting annoyed by people I should have ignored, situations I would usually ignore, and other silly things like how messy my apartment is.  I even felt frustrated at 24 and the Tony Almaeda plot (how can they make him undead, evil, good and then evil again in one season! It’s too much!).  I had to stop watching Glenn Beck because I was getting too fired up.  Oh well, don’t we all have those days…. Please tell me we all have those days!

Well, excuse the above rant.  I suppose we are all entitled to one every now and then.  Don’t get me wrong- I love my life.  I love my job.  It’s just one of those days.  So, I am off to bed and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Dieting is so miserable at least I found this funny March 12, 2009

My friends, I am once again dieting.  This time the main reason is to help boost my gall bladder health.  While that might sound odd, I have good reasons. My nurse friend keeps pointing out that my gall bladder might be heading for problems.  This would not only be painful but since I only have a high deductible insurance plan I can’t pay for surgery right now.  Hopefully everything will be fine but in the meantime I am trying to stick to a diet I found on a website for gall bladder problems and praying that will solve the problem.  I figure it couldn’t hurt.  The main things it suggests are items high in amino acids such as grapes, celery, berries,  carrots, fish (it says wild fish but I can’t afford that) soy milk, prunes (yuck!)  and whole wheat breads- yummy, hah….not so much? At the same time you are to avoid dairy (except for yogurt and cottage cheese), meats including fowl, pork and beef, nuts and oddly all cabbage type vegetables.  In general low fat is supposed to be good but omega 3 fatty acids such as fish oils and olive oil are recommended.  The diet is big on organic foods but again those get into money.   All fast food is out- especially anything that is fried.  I have also been working on the wii fit to try and get in shape.  That blasted animated trainer is killing me!

Anyway, I have been trying the diet this week and am doing okay.  I’m on week 2 of consistent work on the wii fit.  I wish I could say I never messed up but there has been an improvement from weeks previous.  Today I started out strong with a turkey (just one slice) sandwich with lettuce, tomatoes and mustard.  On the side I had some a few corn chips without trans fats and some strawberries.  This was pretty good.

Unfortunately things went down hill from there.  I met up with a friend for a late lunch (my hair stylist Grace who got me sweet deals on a new flat iron and hair product).  I loved chatting with Grace but the Cafe Rio meal was definitely off the diet. I did try to minimizing the damage by only eating half and getting half chicken/half pork instead of just pork.  I also got the burrito without any cheese.  I haven’t quite figured out how to stay on a diet and be social and have fun.  I felt like I did the best I could but still feel frustrated.  Any tips? Be nice!

The other confession…I had some ice cream later on in the evening.  In my defense it was lower calorie ice cream (6 grams fat for 1/2 cup), but still I shouldn’t have.

At least I am trying, and I mean to keep updating my blog regularly with how I am doing.  Any motivation you’ll can give me would be great.  I really don’t want to have  surgery for my gall bladder, and I want to be healthy.  I suppose I should celebrate the small victories and keep pressing forward.

I did have a nice phone call from Miriam and a pleasant visit from my Uncle Tom today.  Plus the lunch with Grace- so I would say I did pretty well socially today! Still, I felt a little discouraged on the dieting front.  However, this made me laugh.  I think it encompasses dieting to a tee.  At least I didn’t end the day eating cheesecake from the freezer!:

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day.
BREAKFAST
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey’s kiss
AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag

1 tub of Hagen-Dazs ice cream with chocolate chips

DINNER
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer).

One last comment- I am very sad Jorge got voted off Idol.  I thought he would last longer.  I am a big fan of Danny and that’s pretty much it.  I think all the girls are bad except for Lil.  I can’t believe Megan  Corkey stayed on after her song.  It was terrible. The judges were definitely too soft on her and too hard on Jorge.  Oh well!  That’s a reality singing competition for you!

Quick Quote- and Still Sick December 5, 2008

So, I am still sick.  I pretty much have had a cold for the last 2 months.  I am so tired of it!  For me life has to still go on despite not feeling perfect, so I am trying to find a good balance of health and work.  This is particularly difficult during the holidays because I have more scheduled than I normally do.  For instance, this week I volunteered for Festival of Trees on Wednesday and Thursday, plus I have work, 2 lunch dates with girlfriends, the Messiah Sing-In and I am practicing my recital piece tomorrow (We will see if I perform in the recital. Hopefully I will have a voice on the 19th!).  In addition, on the 14th I am going to Vegas to visit my friend Julia.  I just have to get better- completely better! I went to the doctors on Monday and started to cry.  Needless to say the doctor didn’t have much sympathy for me and diagnosed me with the same lame virus. Oh well, at least he did not misdiagnose.

Please excuse the complaining of the previous paragraph.  I am still trying to have a good time and be happy, it’s just hard when you don’t feel great.  Since I have been sick (and its been a thin time for TV) I have been reading up a storm and wanted to share a quote I found in the book I am currently reading called One of Ours by Willa Cather.  It is very good so far.  It is about a boy named Claude who grows up in a home that doesn’t communicate and is very poor.  In describing Claude, Willa Cather says:

“He is not so much afraid of loneliness as he is of accepting cheap substitutes; of making excuses to himself for a teacher who flatters him, of admiring a girl merely because she is accessible.  He has a dread of easy compromises, and he is terribly afraid of being fooled”

Isn’t that a good quote?  It sums up a certain side of myself.  I fear more the temptation to settle for mediocrity than the larger fall from grace.  That’s all for today.  I just wanted to share that thought and complain a little bit about being sick!  Thanks for putting up with me!